25 Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart Andy Simmons ( courtecy;- reader's digest )

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25 Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart

Andy Simmons

If you want to find out how it feels to sound smart, try out some of these clever jokes.

Joke 1

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If you want to find out how it feels to sound smart, try out some of these jokes. Still confused? I tried explaining each below, in bold. (While you’re at it, follow these little grammar rules to make you sound even smarter.) Here are 12 other jokes that will make you sound like a genius.

Joke 2

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Joke 3

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A hyperbole is an exaggerated claim. No, really, realllllllllllyyyyy exaggerated. I mean, like, the most exaggerated thing in the history of ever!!

Joke 4

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The third error? The fact that there are only two errors. The fourth error? Running this gag.Read other clever jokes from comedy legends that are sure to have you laughing until you cry.

Joke 5

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To.
To who?
No, to whom.
I always get this wrong, to (or is that “too” … “Two?”)

Joke 6

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A: “If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times …”
N is a placeholder for a number. Adding one makes it one more than whatever n is. We could have used X, but this is a family magazine. Don’t miss these hilarious math jokes.

Joke 7

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Divide 12 by 4, or a quarter. Now do you get it? (I didn’t. Someone had to tell me to do that.)These short clever jokes are some that everyone can remember.

Joke 8

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The only time nothing is negative is under the Christmas tree. So when counting down, happily stop at nothing—or zero—to avoid the dreaded negative numbers.

Joke 9

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The world’s population is split sort of evenly between men and women, making the average human part male, part female, and a complete pain to shop for. These are the 20 nerd jokes every grammar person will appreciate.

Joke 10

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And his cows preferred Moo-zak.

Joke 11

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By themselves, the musical notes C, E-flat, and G are simply tones, neither major nor minor. But when played all at once, they form a C-minor chord. This had the gang in the orchestra pit howling. Here’s how you can sound smarter using these 10 simple vocabulary swaps.

Joke 12

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The Lizst of funny music puns is not long. In fact, anyone caught telling one often ends up in Haydn.

Joke 13

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Who knew that the opening strands of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony were an homage to his favorite fruit? Try one of these 8 scientifically proven ways to look and sound smarter!

Joke 14

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Photons are particles representing an amount of light. This particular photon didn’t need a suitcase because it was going to a nudist convention. If you love clever jokes, these hilarious chemistry jokes are sure to crack you up.

Joke 15

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This works on many levels: as wordplay (genes vs. jeans) and because one’s genes can determine body shape (that, plus the 12 sundaes they’re in the midst of eating). For more pun fun, here’s how to craft the perfect pun, according to a competitive pun champion!

Joke 16

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Wait, did our copy editor fall into some cosmic wormhole? No, we just told the middle of the joke first, followed by the beginning. The time traveler hasn’t arrived at the end yet.

Joke 17

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Homeopathy holds that a substance, which causes symptoms when taken in large doses, can be used in far smaller doses to treat those same symptoms. We’re trying this with our jokes column. We’re injecting our readers with small doses of eye-rolling. Don’t miss these groan-inducing corny jokes to tell at your next party!

Joke 18

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“What’s the first hut for?” he asks.
“That’s my house,” says the castaway.
“What’s the second hut for?”
“That’s my church.”
“And the third hut?”
“Oh, that?” sniffs the castaway. “That’s the church I used to go to.”
Even on an island of one, religion can be a tricky issue.

Joke 19

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Being one with everything means experiencing a supernatural bond with the entire universe. A hot dog with everything means experiencing a supernatural bond with mustard and sauerkraut. Make sure you memorize these 25 clever jokes guaranteed to make anyone laugh.

Joke 20

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A man is talking to God. “God, how long is a million years?”
God answers, “To me, it’s about a minute.”
“God, how much is a million dollars?”
“To me, it’s a penny.”
“God, may I have a penny?”
“Wait a minute.”
Time is relative, especially to the entity that invented it.

Joke 21

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You’d have to be nuts to jump into the Seine, which is the river that runs through Paris. Check out this list of 22 hilarious road signs worth slowing down for on your road trip.

Joke 22

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Marxists oppose class structures. That’s because when Marx was a little boy he hated school.

Joke 23

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“Drei”—pronounced “dry”—is German for “three”. “Nein”—pronounced “nine”—is German for “No”. “Dieser Witz stinkt” is German for “This joke stinks.” Check out some funny limericks that will also make you feel smart.

Joke 24

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The French philosopher’s most famous line is “I think, therefore I am.” His least famous line: “Is this seat taken?”

Joke 25

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When his fellow explorers found Magellan hiding an Ace up his sleeve, they sent him packing to southern Chile toward the Straits of Magellan. These are the 50 funniest jokes about all 50 states.

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