8 Reasons You’re Feeling Pain During Sex (courtecy;- keely savoie )—and What to Do About It About 30 percent of women report feeling pain during sex.
8 Reasons You’re Feeling Pain During Sex—and What to Do About It
About 30 percent of women report feeling pain during sex.
Sex should always feel good—and when it doesn’t, your body could be trying to tell you that something is seriously wrong.
If you felt a sharp pinch, pressure, tightness, soreness, or cramping during your last romp, you’re not entirely alone: About 30 percent of women report feeling pain during vaginal intercourse, according to a 2015 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine. That number skyrockets to 72 percent during anal sex (if you prepare correctly, anal sex should not be painful.)
This can cause issues outside of the bedroom, too. “Pain during sex not only ruins the moment, it can have much greater consequences: fear of sex, lowered sex drive, and overall loss of intimacy,” says Debra Herbenick, PhD, a professor, director, and researcher at Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion
Just because it’s common doesn’t mean you should have to put up with it. You might feel awkward speaking up, but you’re doing yourself a disservice if you dismiss the pain.
“Women need to know that pain is real, no matter what its ultimate cause,” says sexual health expert Dennis Fortenberry, MD, professor of pediatrics at Indiana University’s School of Medicine. There are plenty of things that could be messing with your time in between the sheets. Here are eight reasons sex might hurt—and exactly what you can do make it feel good again.
You skipped foreplay
Women are slower to get aroused than men, and there’s a grain of truth in the stereotype that women need more foreplay—but figuring out what works for you is half the battle.
“Foreplay needs to be exciting to you,” says Herbenick. That might mean kissing and rolling around with our partner, giving or receiving oral sex, or even watching porn together. Everyone is different, and what gets you going won’t always work for someone else.
Understanding what feels good is key to starting the natural process of blood flow to your genitals, which increases lubrication (an absolute must for pain-free sex). Herbenick points out that some women don’t actually know when they’re aroused, which can be a major hurdle. In this case, staying focused on the moment can be helpful. “Notice how it feels to touch your partner and be touched,” she advises. On a broader scale, she says that mindfulness practice may help people who have trouble recognizing arousal. “You might try walking meditations, and then apply those skills to sex,” she says. (Here’s how to try a walking meditation.)
You didn’t use lube
You can be ready to go, but if you’re not sufficiently slippery, penetration is going to be a pain. Plus, your vagina doesn’t become sufficiently wet until 5 to 7 minutes after your brain is already in the game.
Other factors can also slow your flow. Warm showers and baths can lead to vaginal dryness, says Herbenick. “Allergy pills have the same effect on vaginal tissues as they do on other mucus membranes, and low-dose hormonal birth control pills can also dry you out,” she adds.
The fix? Be sure you have a tube of lube ready for action, like Good Clean Love’s Almost Naked Organic Personal Lubricant. You might not need it most of the time, but having it on standby means you won’t need to go searching for it in the middle of things (which is sure to ruin the moment).
You’re super stressed
You have a million things to do in a day, and you take that tension to bed with you. “Relaxation is an important part of feeling ready for and interested in sex,” explains Herbenick.
The best thing you can do is de-stress before you get busy. Herbenick suggests that couples give each other massages. If rub-downs aren’t your thing, there are other ways to help your mind—and thus your body—prepare for sex. “Try a yoga class—a lot of people also find meditation or mindfulness useful,” she says.
Your partner is... too big
For a small number of people, “genital fit” can be a cause of pain—meaning your partner’s quite large, and you’re extra petite.
Lube can help in some cases, but “in situations where the penis is hitting the cervix, or causing an uncomfortable level of stretch, it can help to change sex positions," says Herbenick. “A lot of times women don’t feel confident saying, ‘slow down’ or ‘be more gentle.’” Try switching things up with positions like woman-on-top, since it gives you more control over the speed and depth of thrusting. (Check out these 11 sex positionsfor more ideas.)
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