SLIDESHOW
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The Best Ways to Help Someone With Breast Cancer ( COURTECY;- webMD )
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What People with Breast Cancer Wish You Knew
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First, Just Listen
It’s a shock to learn
that a friend or loved one has breast cancer. It’s natural to want to know all
the details. But a lot of questions can be tough for her to face. She may not
have all the answers yet. Accept what she’s sharing. She understands you don’t
know what to say. But instead of, "You're a fighter; you're going to beat
this,” try, "I can't imagine how you must feel, I'm here to listen if you
want to talk."
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Don’t Say, 'Call Me If You Need Me'
You’ll probably never
get the call. It’s better to be specific about what you can do. Say “I can help
you with housework on Tuesday or Thursday,” or, “I'm making some casseroles, is
there something you would prefer or any ingredient I should avoid?” If she’s
recovering from surgery, offer to wash her hair since reaching above her head
is nearly impossible.
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Kids Need TLC
Kids are kids whether a
parent is dealing with cancer or not. Offer to drive your friend’s children to
school and shuttle them to soccer practice. Help make things as “normal” as
possible. Many teachers and other adults don’t know what to say to kids with a
sick parent -- so they say nothing. Be someone they can turn to. Tell them that
you’ll listen when they want to talk.
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She Needs a 'Wingman'
It’s easy for someone
with breast cancer to get overwhelmed by the decisions she has to make. She
might need your help to understand it all. Offer to go along to important
doctor’s appointments to take notes and ask questions. Having another set of
ears in the room may ease her mind. You can offer to drive her to chemotherapy
or radiation sessions, too.
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Reconstruction is NOT a Boob Job
A mastectomy -- the
removal of one or both breasts -- is an ordeal. Many women are heartbroken to
lose such intimate body parts. Reconstruction can rebuild the shape and look of
their chest, but it’s not the same as breast enhancement. It can take many
surgeries before it’s all over. Some women decide against doing it at all.
Whatever your loved one chooses, accept it. Don’t try to change her mind.
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Cancer Doesn’t Ask Your Age
If someone in their 20s
or 30s has the disease, she’s probably tired of people saying, “You’re so young
and active, how can you have cancer?” She may feel isolated because many people
in her shoes are much older. When she feels comfortable, urge her to find a
group of young people with breast cancer who can
understand what she’s going through.
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Men Get It, Too
More than 2,500 men are
diagnosed with breast cancer each year in the U.S. If it’s a guy you know,
don’t question why he has a “woman’s disease” or insist it must be the wrong
diagnosis. Men with breast cancer may need even more support because they feel
out of place. Most importantly, encourage the men in your life to get any
breast lump checked by a doctor right away.
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Spare Her the Prevention Talk
Keep your opinions about
cancer prevention to yourself. It’s not helpful to suggest that yoga, juicing, or
anything else could’ve prevented your friend’s breast cancer.
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Cancer Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All
There are many different
kinds of breast cancer. Some grow fast, some grow slow. Some are harder to
treat than others. You probably won’t know exactly which type your friend has
-- she might not even know right away. So don’t say, “My friend had breast cancer
and it was horrible,” or “My aunt’s cancer was no big deal.” Each case is
unique, and people respond differently to treatment.
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Understand if She Says 'No'
People going through
treatment or recovering from surgery have a limited amount of energy and need
to spend it wisely. Sometimes, they have to turn down an invitation or cancel
plans. She’s not trying to ditch you -- her body probably needs a reboot. Take
a raincheck for a day when she’s feeling more rested.
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People Need a Break From Cancer
If your friend is up for
getting lunch or meeting for coffee, the last thing she probably wants to do is
talk about cancer. After all, she’s more than her disease. Try to keep the
conversation focused on everyday things -- her kids, a recent vacation, or a TV
show you both like. If she wants to talk about cancer, she’ll bring it up.
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Treatment Is a Long Road
Many people with breast
cancer need to take meds for 5-10 years to try to keep cancer from coming back.
These drugs can have bad side effects like bone and joint pain, mood swings,
and fatigue. Often doctors prescribe other pills -- like antidepressants and
pain meds -- to fight those side effects. Know that your loved one might not be
back to her “old self” for a while.
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'Moving On' Can Be Hard
Treatment is over, and
there are no signs of cancer. That’s great news, but some people still may have
some mental healing to do. Your loved one may show signs of post-traumatic
stress disorder, like not sleeping well or having crying fits. She may constantly
check for lumps and bumps. Instead of telling her to “get back to normal,” urge
her to talk to her doctor. Medications, therapy, and other treatments can help.
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The Little Things Mean a Lot
People with breast
cancer really do want your thoughts and prayers -- even if you haven’t been in
touch for years. Let your friend know you’re thinking of her by dropping a nice
note or beautiful card in the mail. Even just a text message once in a while
will brighten her day. She might be too wiped out to respond right away, but
know that all your good thoughts and best wishes are appreciated.
This tool does not provide medical advice.
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